According to the New York Times, officials at the Department of the Interior are being investigated for exchanging cash, sex and drugs with oil industry executives. This is a real, honest-to-goodness scandal with clear-cut violations of ethics, the law and everything.
See? Was that so hard? No pretending we’re doing it all for national security’s sake. No blaming the victims (that’s us taxpayers, by the way). Just good, old-fashioned graft and depravity. Now that is government corruption we can believe in.